Opening Up About Mental Illness

It's hard to open up about mental illness. How will other people react? What will they think? Will they judge me or think less of me? It feels frightening and vulnerable, and it's easy to retreat into the familiar safety of silence.

I know this from experience. Fear and shame kept  me silent about my struggles for many years. I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). It's a variation of PTSD, and includes many of the same symptoms, as well as a variety of additional ones. It's caused by prolonged exposure to trauma, and is most commonly the result of child abuse and neglect. That's how I got it.

All of my life I struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and emotional regulation. For years, I tried every strategy and coping mechanism I could find in an effort to survive and improve. I read self-help books, exercised, meditated, saw therapists and psychiatrists, and took a wide variety of antidepressants - and while I did survive, I did not improve. My long-standing issues got much worse in 2020, when multiple difficult events in my personal life combined with the  COVID crisis to send me into the worst depression of my life. I had reached a point where I knew I was in danger. I was no longer surviving. 

In September of 2022 I went to the hospital, and while I didn't know it at the time, it was the beginning of a process that would be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I spent two months in a partial hospitalization program where I learned a lot of new skills for dealing with my emotions, and a lot about myself. That was where I was finally properly diagnosed as having CPTSD. I had never made any progress before because I had been fighting the wrong battle.

That diagnosis was life-changing. It was like the plot twist at the end of a movie that suddenly explains everything. It all made sense - all of the patterns and behaviors that had caused so much damage to my life and my relationships over the years. It explained why my reactions could be so out of proportion to the situation at hand. Those were trauma responses. I was being triggered into flashbacks. It was all CPTSD, and now that I knew that, I could finally do something about it.

My ability to be this open is new. My journey has been long and winding, with many frustrating false starts and demotivating dead ends. I've been healing - properly healing - for less than a year. For almost all the time before that I did my best to hide my symptoms, act "normal," and fit in. I didn't want anyone to know.

But at the same time, I did. I wanted people to know how much I was hurting, how hard I was struggling, and how lonely I was. I wanted people to understand that when I reacted in a way that was out of character, that was because my brain had seen something that reminded it of danger, and had gone into fight-or-flight. I wasn't really like that, I literally couldn't help it. I wanted to tell people that, but I didn't.

That all changed once I started to heal. As the shame and fear began to melt away, it became possible for me to share my experiences. The first time I voluntarily told someone about my issues was in August of 2024 - not even a year ago. Now I'm writing blog posts. I never imagined I would get here this quickly.

I feel strongly about speaking out because I want to make it easier for other people to get help. I want to break down the stigma around mental health and let others know that they're not alone and that help is available. I'm so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way, and it's my hope that I can use my experiences to help someone else on their journey. We really are stronger together.

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Jason's journey began in the upper midwest and has taken him through Arizona and Florida, before finally finding a home in Virginia where he has lived for 20 years. He lives in Ashburn and enjoys music, art, exercise, cooking, movies, and spending time with his two sons. He has a passion for wellness, and is excited to see where this new stage of life will lead.

Jason is leading our Wellness Loudoun Out of the Darkness Walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention on Saturday, September 20th at One Loudoun. Join us in raising awareness and funds for suicide prevention and mental health awareness!

About the event

What: Loudoun American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Out of the Darkness Walk

Team Name: "An Unlimited Welcome"

Team Link: https://afspwalks.donordrive.com/team/welcome

When: September 20, 2025. Check in at 11:00 am, walk begins at 12:30 pm

Where: One Loudoun, Ashburn VA

Why: To raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention

How far: 1-3 miles